dreaming about a better way to live life
what ho
I swore I'd never write disclaimers but here goes
The title is meant nautically. I realised after I wrote it people might take it the wrong way, but I'm supposed to be able to be myself here. I like boats.
the meat. The potatoes
I love writing modding tools. I've done a lot more than just what you see on this blog (I think that's only stellaris? Idk - we all write here so it might be some other things), but generally under other nicknames. I really, really enjoy doing it.
I wish it was possible to not do it so clandestinely but as you the reader are hopefully already aware (and if not I'm so sorry for being the one to tell you), big corporations are evil and they make everyone in them worse just by virtue of existing. So it is necessary to mask significantly if you want to get anywhere. This is a part of that.
why this now?
I'd like to not do soul-crushing work and instead go back to a more golden era where I did not only love what I did but also who I did it with. I cannot go back there, because the people are gone and the place has been cannibalised by money people.
But I have plenty of passions. Occasionally I fantasise about recreating part of that lost history by attempting to make money on something similar. I could do this now, my noncompete has expired. And I wouldn't violate any copyright as I was young and worse then so I'd never write anything like what I made back then now.
so why not do it
It was fun in the context where I did it and I could probably nominally enjoy it today, but if we're dreaming anyway...
flashbacks as far as the eye can see
Ever since I was a child I've wanted to work on videogame things. I'm not middle aged so I don't have that sort of hindsight crisis, but a few of my friends have (already) died. Suddenly, tragically. Some of them achieved some of their dreams. Some of them did not.
On balance I'm pretty happy with the arc of my life. I'm a human being so I've made plenty of mistakes (some of them pretty large), but I like to think I've made a positive impact on some people. It is something I think about a lot.
Given all of this context, I can't help but realise I might be dead tomorrow. If I lie dying somewhere I will think about my dogs, my family, maybe one or two friends, one or two exes. And I will not feel like I should have spent more time in an office. I will however enjoy knowing I spread some more videogame joy, especially if I also think it is cool.
I know how it sounds. How would you even know what you think about? I've been there, so I am very sure what I am like in those moments :)
here it comes
Hence the modding tools, the little programming projects you may have seen me do. Maybe even some of the big ones I've already done (I will not be telling you what they are because they might out this blog. If you've figured it out - great! Clever bean :) please just keep it a secret). I'd like to do more of those.
I know it is possible to earn something I would consider a living (nobody around me is hungry. So not me or my pets. Maybe some others) doing this, because I've seen what a successful patreon in this space looks like. But there is also plenty of effort being made for no money at all.
no money
It's not an issue in and of itself. I (always, occasionally even professionally) write open-source things because you deserve to touch cool things (even if I've made them) even if you're poor.
But if I'm going to be applying myself to this I need to satisfy this base need to provide for my dependents. And to occasionally have a donut. It is kind of a lot to ask, but I have a lot of cool things to give.
is there a point to this
Not really. I've started to write these big thoughts on this blog lately (hence the increased post frequency, I spend a lot of time thinking) so this one goes on the board. But it's something I've repeatedly returned to.
Maybe if I can convince all of us it's a good idea we can make something passably professional to give away for free. Then we can see if it is possible to earn a living doing what I love and making other people happy.